Not All Orphans Want Help

I have sat on this post for weeks.  It is a hard truth to communicate and I hope I get it right. Here goes…

What I have realized about orphan care is that, far too often, people go into it without proper expectations…much like they do with adoption.  Before you adopted or ministered to an orphan, tell me if you have ever thought something like, “They are finally going to feel loved.”  Or, “We cannot wait to change their lives.” Or, “We must rescue them.”

I am not trying to shame anyone; I said all of those things too.  And like many people, I said them out of a heart of wanting to do the right thing.  Either hearing someone sharing their experiences, or spending time in the Word compelled me to help orphans.

But time and experiences of my own have taught me that many orphans (CERTAINLY not all of them) just want your stuff, and if they must put up with you for a while, so be it.  Here’s the thing, it is not their fault.  Many poor countries are flooded by marketing.  Everywhere orphan children turn, they see that stuff equals significance. Sometimes, if we are not careful, we can unknowingly validate that conclusion.  Have you ever pulled out an iPod or a Nintendo DS at an orphanage?  I have. The result was something like ants on a melted ice cream; kids running from everywhere to touch the cool gadget.  If those things were not so great, then why would we have traveled five thousand miles with them?

I have even gone a step further.  I have bought some orphans their very own “significant” items, resulting in too many issues to go into here.

The truth is, without the power of Christ in me, I would be just another bitter orphan advocate who curses all the broken systems that fail these kids.  James tells us to visit orphans.  Isaiah tells us to defend them.  I know it is easier to massage their pain by sharing our shiny things with them, but we must be wise, like Peter the Apostle.  What they need to see is genuine love. Sometime love is tough and is always risky.  Had you been betrayed and abandoned by all who were supposed to care for you, would you sign up for tough and risky?  Not without some convincing.

So what to do with those who do not want help?  Love them, visit them, let them see you helping those who want it. Maybe leave the laptop at the hotel.

 

Ande Underwood is President of Skills for Orphans, based in Birmingham, AL.

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~ by Ande Underwood on January 29, 2011.